To many, having your heart broken is on par with experiencing the death of a loved one. To many more, it’s probably worse. Knowing that someone you’ve once so intimately connected with is still somewhere out there, but has now become a complete stranger is one of the hardest things to cope with. To make matters worse, the constant reminders from social media, friends, family, and perhaps you’ve even bumped into them one time or another isn’t helping matters the slightest bit. If you could revert back to a time when you had your heartbroken how would you say you felt one week after the breakup? Probably something along the lines of you thought you would be with that person for the rest of your life, or they were your soulmate so now the thought of moving on with your life without them seems incomprehensible to you. Now to dig a little deeper, let’s examine what would make a rational person utter such statements knowing full well that millions of people get their heartbroken each day and then eventually move on to discover true love. I argue that the underlying cause of heartbreak can be boiled down to 10 simple letters: d-e-p-e-n-d-e-n-c-y.
Take a moment and recall a time when you experienced immense heartbreak. Which of your shared memories are most profound? Think of major events such as a defining day in your relationship. Perhaps the moment you met, a trip you took together, or a day you were down and this person came to your aid. Now what positive emotions surface when you recount these memories? Elation, bliss, or an immediate state of comfort? By examining these associations, we can derive that looking back, you felt you were dependent on this person to experience such positive emotions.
To go a step further, when your heart was first broken, were you able to continue with your routine as you normally would? I bet not… the breakup caused you to restructure your entire life, opening many windows to loneliness. Here we can glean that you were dependent on the relationship for a particular routine, perhaps one that you were quite comfortable in. If you normally spent every Friday night with your significant other, you may find yourself sitting at home feeling completely lost and unsure how to rebuild your life after you’ve parted ways.
This is why many go out in search of a rebound. Someone to fill the void and reinstate some of the routine that has been lost after the breakup. Often times, this person is selected quite impulsively out of sheer desperation. Then soon enough, the realization that this individual is not quite what you were looking for kicks in and knees you in the chin.
Aside from rebounds, we also use crutches to help regain some of the positive emotions that have left us. Crutches can be anything. There’s the common notion of a heartbroken women reaching for a tub of ice cream after her husband leaves her for the dimwitted neighbor with fluorescent white teeth. But in more common cases, crutches can be anything from cigarettes to excessive alcohol consumption to the need for constant vacations. Albeit these positive emotions are short lived, a heartbroken person may abuse these crutches in an attempt to relive the level of joy they had once experienced.
Rising to your feet involves becoming an ideal you. One that is better, more powerful, and prompts the person that once crushed you to create a fake Instagram profile just to stalk your every move. Okay maybe the latter shouldn’t be one of your goals, buy hey if it naturally follows suit it’s a surefire way to boost your shriveled ego. Contrary to popular opinion, the healing process isn’t about time, it’s about mastering the shift from dependency to independency. One you’ve mastered the art, time becomes irrelevant. So reassess the situation, and use your findings to help you rebuild your life independently. Build the ideal life for yourself and you’ll eventually come across the ideal person.